First, let me apologize for the lengthy silence. Computer issues. I'm starting here, but never fear, Christmas and the Big 0-3 for Vaughn will be updated soon....ish.
Now, sit down. I have a story for you!
I was at work, yesterday, minding my own business. I left our secure area and walked across the hall to the bathroom, crossing in front of the exit, which contains two revolving doors and a regular door. At this point, an unnamed* male supervisory figure (UMSF) and my coworker Matt were looking at a tv in its box, in the hallway (it was going to another location to get scanned for ... spies? Who knows).
A few minutes later, I walked out of the bathroom. UMSF and Matt were still in the hallway, almost like a tableau, but there is now a 47-inch flatscreen stuck in the revolving door, by itself.
Like, not half in. Not in, with someone stuck in there with it (which would have also been awesome), but somehow, they thought that they could push it through by itself.
Lettuce do a bit of shape analysis, shall we? Large squarey thing/round turny thing. Umm.. now, I'm not a boy with inherent spatial orientation skills, but I'm pretty sure those things don't go together.
I think I hurt myself internally trying not to laugh. I mean, you don't even see this sort of thing on tv, because it's too ridiculous. Somehow, I squeaked out an offer to help. Then I said, is there someone I can call? THEN I said, it's probably too late now, but Alison's pass opens the non-revolving door. And THEN I walked sedately back into the office, collapsed into my chair, hissed, "Get over here!" to another coworker and acted it out to the three females in the office. Oh my god. Then Ali got up to go look. I tried to stop her: NOOOO! They'll know I told you! But she did, and she almost died, too.
THEN Matt came back in, told me to compose myself, and that they needed me. Because of my skinny arms. SO, UMSF was on one side of the doors, his arm stuck in, trying to lift/push the tv, and I was on the other, trying to lift it up, because if we can get the pressure lifted off the ground, we can turn the door again.
Of course, I didn't tell them No, that's a terrible idea, or Do you really think UMSF and I can lift a tv with one finger each while our forearms are being squished by opposite sides of the revolving door?
I really should get an award for managing not to tell off the man who ran up to me, thinking that these two men are trying to help me because I had my freaking forearm stuck in a revolving door (???!!! somehow he didn't notice the OTHER jacka** with HIS arm stuck, or the GIANT TV....???)
Meanwhile, Alison walked out, used her pass to open the regular door, and watched it all unfold...just like Bugs Bunny would do.
The commissionaire finally showed up, and unlocked the door mechanism, so it could turn again. I wasn't aware of this part until today, but apparently, the door started turning automatically, and Matt was stopping it with all of his strength, so that my arm wouldn't break. I finally took my arm out when UMSF told Matt to take over for me, because "You know what to do". They finished sliding the tv out of the other side.
And then I went back to my desk and sent out my resume to a large number of people.
* Though this post, in itself, is probably a career-limiting move, it was too funny not to share. I thought I'd mitigate the damage by protecting my boss' name.